Sucks to be You
by Elexis
Summary: ................................
1. Default Chapter

OK! Disclaimer: Nope. I don't own Raziel, Kain, or anything SR related.....yep.......so......whats up?  
  
Sucks to be you-Prozzak.....  
  
Now performed by Kain and Raziel  
  
Raziel: oo oo oo  
  
(Kain: Here we go...)  
  
Raziel: Sucks to be you..  
  
Kain: I know I know....  
  
Raziel: Sucks to be you...  
  
Kain: I know its true....  
  
Raziel: Sucks to be you......  
  
Kain: I know I know  
  
Raziel: Sucks to be you...  
  
Kain: I'm a bastard and its true...  
  
(Raziel: oo oo oo...)  
  
Kain: Tossin' ya away is what I had to do...  
  
I'm a bastard and its true  
  
And I guess its true....  
  
Raziel: Sucks to be you..  
  
Kain: I know I know  
  
Raziel: Sucks to be you...  
  
Kain: I know its true  
  
Raziel: Sucks to be you...  
  
Kain: I know I know  
  
Raziel: Sucks to be you...  
  
Kain: I know its true..  
  
You need to know I finally understand.......  
  
I tried to ditch you but I cant  
  
Just want to tell you I'm sorry  
  
I'm a bastard and its true  
  
(Raziel: oo oo oo)  
  
Kain: Tossin ya away was what I had to do...  
  
I'm a bastard and its true  
  
(Raziel: oo oo oo)  
  
Kain: And I guess its true....  
  
Raziel: Sucks to be you...  
  
Kain: I know I know  
  
Raziel: Sucks to be you...  
  
Kain: I know its true...  
  
Raziel: Sucks to be you.....  
  
Kain: I know I know  
  
Raziel: Sucks to be you...  
  
Kain: I know its true..  
  
You need to know I finally understand..  
  
I tried to ditch you but I cant  
  
I wish I could roll over and die...  
  
But I'm a bastard  
  
(instrumental) (Raziel grabs some maracas and shakes them around Kain's head)  
  
(Raziel seems to be enjoying taunting Kain while shaking the maracas)  
  
(Kain punches Raziel, knocking the maracas away)  
  
Kain: I resurrected you as a vampire.........  
  
Now you think its my turn to retire....  
  
Just to see me cry......  
  
`Cause I'm a bastard  
  
(Raziel: (*pouting on the ground* oo oo oo)  
  
Kain: So I guess its true......  
  
Raziel: Sucks to you.....  
  
Kain: I know I know...  
  
Raziel: Sucks to be you...  
  
Kain: I know its true.......  
  
Raziel: Sucks to you.....  
  
Kain: I know I know...  
  
Raziel: Sucks to be you...  
  
Kain: I know its true.......  
  
(fades)  
  
HAHA! Hey! Review and Ill do more paradies! 


	2. Can I Get A.....

I'm more of a rock person.....but I thought this would be interesting........  
  
Can I Get A...belongs to the respective owners.  
  
Can I Get A....  
  
Performed by:  
  
Kain  
  
Raziel  
  
Ariel  
  
Drink blood wit me, blood wit me, wit me wit me  
Can you Drink blood wit me, drink blood wit me, wit me wit me  
Can you drink blood wit me, drink blood wit me, ge-gi-gi-gi-gi-gi  
Can you drink blood wit me, drink blood wit me, ye-ye-yeah  
Uh-huh uh-huh drink wit me, drinkwit me  
Can ya can ya can ya drink wit me, drink wit me  
Ya-yah-yah, ya-ya-yah-yeah drink wit me, drink wit me  
Ge-gi, ge-gi-gi-gi-geyeah drink wit me, drink wit me  
Get it!  
Verse One: Raziel  
Can I eat a soul in the MORNING  
without givin you half of my dough  
And even worse if I was broke would you FEED ME?  
If I couldn't get you finer things  
like all of them human corpses vampires KILL FOR  
would you STILL CARE?  
If we couldn't see the moon risin off the graveyards of Nosgoth  
would you TOSS ME, if I wasn't FLYIN?  
If I wasn't ah, eight figure vampire by the name of Raziel  
would you come around me or would you clown me?  
If I couldn't flow futuristic would ya  
put your sword down on my corpse and break it - could ya  
see yourself with a luitenent workin hard at a 9 to 5  
and then ten to six, two jobs to survive, or  
do you want a destiny? So you can laugh and tear the PILLARS UP?  
Brag, tell your comrades what I BROUGHT YA  
If you couldn't see yourself with a vampire when his wings are torn  
Lord Kain, if this is so, yo..  
Chorus: repeat 2X  
[Raziel] Can I get SOME SLACK?  
to these tattered wings all of my clans  
who don't take crap, they get no break here  
[Ariel] Can I get a WOOP WOOP  
to these vampires from all of my guradians  
who don't got help from Kain without dubs?  
[Ariel] Now can you drink wit me, uhh  
[Raziel] Drink wit me, drink wit me  
Can ya can ya can ya drink wit me, drink wit me  
[Ariel] Uh uh.. major souls, Ariel  
[Raziel] drink wit me, drink wit me  
[Ariel] Uhh, yo drink wit me  
[Raziel] Can ya can ya can ya drink wit me, drink wit me  
[Ariel] Yeah, uh-uh uh uh  
Verse Two: Ariel  
You ain't gotta be vampiric but SCREW THAT  
How you gonna get around your TORN WNGS?  
Fo' I drop this pillar on your THICK HEAD  
Can you LEAVE ME, my guardians breadwinners, never corny  
Ambition makes me, so nothin  
Not the fussin and the frontin  
If you got nuttin, li'l Raziel, you betta  
"Git Up, Git Out and get Kain" DAMN!  
I like a, lot of violence, loathing and sadness  
Late nights, candlelight, then I tear the pillars up  
Get them up I put pillars down erytime they pop up, huh  
I got to snap em, let it loose, then I taunt ya  
Feel the hate, then I got ya, when you produce an excuse  
I let you meet momma and introduce you to poppa  
My, you're a sad little soul  
Never test my patience fool, I'm low classs  
HIGH CLASS, if you ain't rollin, bypass  
If you ain't killin, I dash yo  
Chorus  
[Raziel] Now can you drink for me, drinkfor me  
[Kain] Uhh  
[Raziel] Can ya can ya can ya drink wit me, drink wit me  
[Kain] Uhh!  
[Raziel] Gi-gi-gi-geyeah-geyeah  
[Kain] Can ya drink wit me, drink wit me  
[Raziel] UH!  
[Raziel] Gi-gi-gi-gi can ya drink some blood wit me, drink wit me  
[Kain] Uhh! Yeah  
Verse Three: Kain  
It ain't even a question  
how my dough flows, I'm good to these bad vampires  
Like my hair long and straight like impaling stick  
What y'all vampires don't know, it's eazy, to drop a pillar  
Liutenents betta have my, money fo' sho'  
Before they go, runnin they mouth, promotin half  
I be diggin they, back out, go 'head, let it out  
I hits with my soul reaver out, drink and leave a hundred  
Makin em feel, pain even if they don't want it  
It's been SO LONG  
since I met a vampire ain't on my tips but then I'm  
DEAD WRONG, when I tell em BE GONE  
So HOLD ON to the feelin of determination and platinum  
cause from NOW ON, you can witness Kain the I-CON  
with hoodies and SWORDS ON, cause I respect my Raziel  
Then I, take my sword my magic, then we kill some people  
I'm talkin bout straight figures if you here, you wit us  
If not you, you know what, I still killed you  
Chorus  
[Raziel]  
Now can you drink wit me, drink wit me  
Ge-gi, ge-gi-gi-gi drink wit me, drink wit me  
Wit me wit me wit me bounce wit me, drink wit me  
Drink, blood, drink.. wit me wit me wit me wit me  
Can ya drink wit me wit me  
Ge-gi, uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh  
Uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh uh  
Can ya drink wit me drink wit me  
Geyeah  
Geyeah 


	3. Fun with Helium!!!!!

FUN WITH HELIUM: WHAT HAPPENS WHEN HELIUM FLOODS THE SANCTUARY OF THE CLANS. BEWARE: SR2 CHARACTERS (SARAFAN RAZIEL AND JANOS AUDRON) STEP IN. (use your imagination!)  
  
(Ariel is floating above the sanctuary)  
  
Ariel: *snicker * This'll make `em pay for bounding me to those pillars! (pours helium from a tank into the sanctuary)  
  
Kain: HEY! Somethings not right here.......  
  
(his voice gets REALLY high)  
  
Kain: Hey! What's going on?  
  
(Raziel and his brethren fall to the floor laughing)  
  
Raziel: HA! You sound like a chipm-(his voice gets high) unk! O_0  
  
(he covers his mouth)  
  
(everyone starts laughing)  
  
(all the luitenents' voices get high)  
  
Dumah: DAMN! What happened?  
  
Turel: HAHAHA!! You sound like that one time Ariel kicked in the nuts!  
  
Rahab: So do you!  
  
(they beat each other up)  
  
Kain: Shut up! (voice gets higher) Or I'll kill you all!  
  
Luitenents: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!  
  
Raziel: Hey! This isnt funny!  
  
Melchiah: Yes it is! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
Raziel: -_-  
  
(the sarafan Raziel comes in)  
  
S. Raziel: HA! Now you pay for your crimes! (voice gets squeeky) What the hell?  
  
Raziel: HAHAHA! Its me! Wait.......  
  
Kain is rolling on the ground laughing.  
  
Zephon: TWO RAZIELS!! The raging horror!  
  
Raziel: Shut up, spiderman!  
  
Zephon cringes.  
  
(Janos comes in)  
  
Janos: I have come! (voice gets EXTRA squeeky) x_X  
  
What's this all about?  
  
Both Raziels fall over laughing.  
  
Janos: ?????????  
  
Kain: hehehehahahahahehe....YOUR VOICE IS ALL SQUEEKY LIKE!!!  
  
Janos: EVERYONE'S IS!!  
  
S. Raziel: HAHAHA! Die....HAHAHAHA .....Janos! HAHAHA!!  
  
Raziel: hehehehehe HAHAHA!! NO! Don't do it, me!!! HAHAHAAHHAHA!!  
  
(S. Raziel is laughing too hard to even scratch Janos with his sword and instead falls over)  
  
Dumah: HEY! Lets all dance in togas for no reason because the author doesn't know what to do now!  
  
Everyone: OK!  
  
2 mins later........  
  
Kain: This is stupid......I HATE MY SQUEEKY VOICE!  
  
Everyone laughs. All their voices are still high pitched.  
  
Everyone is also wearing TOGAS!!  
  
S. Raziel: TOGA! TOGA! TOGA!  
  
Dumah: I LIKE TOGAS!  
  
Rahab: ME TOO!  
  
Janos: Anyone seen my pineapple hat?!  
  
(no answer)  
  
Janos: I WANT MY PINEAPPLE!  
  
( Raziel tosses a pineapple glued to the top of a hat to Janos, it hits him on the head)  
  
Janos: HA! (puts it on)  
  
Everyone except Kain: TOGA!  
  
Kain: My good sheets........  
  
Ariel: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kain looks up  
  
Kain (squeeky voice) : HEY! SO YOU DID IT!!!  
  
Ariel: (snicker)  
  
(Kain and the others attack, letting out war cries in their high pitched voices)  
  
Not much later...........  
  
(Ariel is tied to a string, which is tied to a pillar. She is filled with helium and looks like a balloon)  
  
Raziel: Tether ball anyone?  
  
S Raziel: ME!  
  
Kain: Me too! I get winner!  
  
(Janos is sitting happily with his pineapple hat)  
  
(Raizel and Sarafan Raziel hit Ariel back and forth around the balance pillar)  
  
THE END!!! HAHAHA!! Was that funny? Please review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	4. Curfew

HOW DID KAIN DEAL WITH RAZIEL AND THE OTHER LUITENENTS WAY BACK WHEN? CURFEW OF COURSE! THIS SHOULD BE INTERESTING....  
  
Kain sat in front of the sanctuary of the clans, waiting for his kids to come back.  
  
Kain: They gonna get a whoopin'!  
  
Raziel and the others are hanging around the abyss.  
  
Raziel peered at the position of the moon.  
  
Raziel: OH CRAP! We gotta get back!  
  
Dumah: I'll take a whoopin'. You, Zephon?  
  
Zephon: I am too.  
  
Turel: I ain't! I'm going with Raziel.  
  
Melchiah: We all go!  
  
Rahab: Don't you think its more of a....well...eleven thirty dark?! I mean....its not midnight! Eleven thirty dark, guys! ELEVEN THIRTY DARK!  
  
So the vampires heading back....they see Kain standing by the sanctuary.  
  
Kain: BOYS!!!!  
  
Luitentents: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! (they dive behind a rock)  
  
Kain: Damn they can jump! Those vampires CAN jump!  
  
Kain: you gonna get a whoopin!  
  
The luitenents slowly come from behind the rock and slowly march into sanctuary  
  
Raziel: I TOLD `EM! I TOLD `EM! I SWEAR I DID! ITS ALL DUMAH'S FAULT!!  
  
Dumah: HEY! DON'T YOU DARE PUSH IT ON ME, POO POO HEAD!  
  
Raziel: Poo Poo?!  
  
(Raziel and Dumah fight)  
  
Kan: SILENCE!!! GO TO YOUR ROOMS AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE!!!!!!!!!  
  
Luitenents: -_______-  
  
Raziel: (mocking Dumah) I'll take a whoopin!  
  
Dumah: SHUT UP!  
  
Turel: I told you guys we should get home!  
  
Raziel: I said that!  
  
Turel: Shut up, FAVORITE!  
  
Raziel: I'm....I'm not the favorite! You are! Your so handsome!  
  
Turel: Your making me blush! I love you, brother!  
  
Raziel: I love you too, Turel!  
  
(they hug)  
  
Kain: You two scare me!  
  
Raziel and Turel: X_X  
  
(Raziel punches Turel, Turel punches back, they march to their rooms, uttering words satan wouldn't say) 


	5. FOOD FIGHT: Sarafan style!

RAZIEL AND HIS BRETHREN ARE SARAFAN IN THIS FIC.  
  
HEY, SARAFAN GOTTA HAVE FUN TOO!!! THEY ARE SITTING IN THE SARAFAN STRONGHOLD'S FOOD COURT!!! LET'S WATCH!!  
  
Raziel (eating hamburger) *munch munch munch*  
  
Turel: Hey! (to Dumah who is drinking) Did ya hear about the industrialized potato? It was a falici-TATER!  
  
Dumah: O_O (spits out his drink all over Raziel and Turel) AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!  
  
(Raziel tosses a fry back at Dumah)  
  
Dumah: HEY! (squirts ketchup at Raziel, Raziel ducks and it hits Melchiah)  
  
Rahab: (stands up) FOOD FIGHT!!!! (grabs gravy tray and pour it on Raziel)  
  
Raziel: OW! HEY! THAT WAS CHUNKY! (grabs pickles off of hamburger and smears them on Rahab)  
  
(Melchiah pounds the mustard bottle and it hits Zephon)  
  
Zephon: YAAAAAAAARG! It burns! It burns!  
  
(tosses relish on everyone)  
  
(Dumah throws mystery meat at Raziel)  
  
Raziel: AHHH! THE MEAT, THE MEAT! THE HORRIBLE MEAT!!!  
  
(Raziel snatches some of Dumah's mashed potato and hits Melchiah)  
  
Zephon: FEEL MY WRATH! (hits Turel with salad dressing...CHUNKY BLUE CHEESE NONETHELESS!)  
  
Raziel (walking around) (Singing)  
  
Lend me your French fries.....  
  
(French lands in his mouth)  
  
Hand me your pot pies...  
  
(flying pot pie lands in his hand, he bites it and tosses it at Zephon)  
  
And top OFF with ice creeeaaaaaaam  
  
(bowl of ice cream lands in his land)  
  
(apple pie hits him in the face)  
  
Raziel: YOUR DEAD, RAHAB!  
  
Rahab: (sarcastically) oh! I'm scared! INCOMING MEATBALLS!  
  
(Rahab belts Raziel with Swedish meatballs)  
  
Raziel: HEY! OW! OW! QUIT IT!  
  
(Raziel throws pineapple chunks at Rahab)  
  
Melchiah: Lookout!  
  
(Dumah is hit with applesauce)  
  
Dumah: GRRR! (sprays whip cream in Turel's eyes)  
  
Turel: AHH! I CANT SEE! I CANT SEE! (he runs around) AHHHH! (runs into Raziel)  
  
Raziel: HEY! (slams creamed corn on Turel's head)  
  
(Raziel gets up and throws more corn at everyone else)  
  
(Zephon pours milk on Dumah)  
  
(Dumah bombards Zephon with M&M's)  
  
Zephon: AHHH! THEY MELT ON YOUR HEAD, NOT IN YOUR MOUTH!!!!  
  
(Zephon is covered in chocolate)  
  
(Raziel whaps jelly in Melchiah and Rahab's faces)  
  
(Mobious walks in)  
  
Mobious: WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?  
  
*gets hit with a potato*  
  
Moboius: ARRRRRG! That's it! (throws tacos ingredients at them all)  
  
Raziel: X_X ATTACK BROTHERS!  
  
(they all pound Moboius with various meats)  
  
Mobious: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! (snatches a sausage and slaps Melchiah with it)  
  
Raziel: BOLOGNA! (throws slice of bologna at Moboius, it hits on the side of the face)  
  
Rahab: Beware! For I have...........CUPCAKES!  
  
(He whips everyone with cupcakes)  
  
Raziel: MMMMMMMM......!  
  
Melchiah: GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!  
  
(falls on the ground)  
  
(Melchiah hits Dumah and Turel with noodles)  
  
Dumah: YAAAAAAARGH!  
  
Turel: The noodles! The noodles! You pay for this! (puts spaghetti sauce on Melchiah's bald head)  
  
Melchiah: GARG!  
  
(Raziel tosses cheese all over everyone)  
  
Everyone except Raziel: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! (they grab mangos and beat him down)  
  
THE END.  
  
REVIEW! PLLLLLLLLLLLLEASE!!!! 


	6. PANTS OMEN

SOUL REAVER: PANTS OMEN  
  
Ah. Dontcha love short stories? This takes place somewhere in the soul reaver era, so Raziel is a mangled blue corpse in this, though his brethren are vampires, k?  
  
Please note that I think PANTS is a funny word.......... Stop looking at me like that. .......................I SAID STOP!  
  
Raziel marched across the desolate....thing that was Nosgoth. It was then that he realized.....he had not been wearing pants.  
  
No pants.  
  
The abyss had taken his beloved pants.  
  
Raziel: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Near standing Sarafan warriors slowly stepped away from Raziel out of fear......  
  
Raziel thought: Kain tossed me in the abyss! The abyss took my pants! I shall find Kain and reclaim my tight pants!  
  
Raziel now had more motivation than ever before. He knew his mission: FIND PANTS. Make others suffer without pants as he had!  
  
The town of Meridian was near. His first victim.  
  
The townspeople slept snuggly in their beds, comfy as could be, unaware that in the morning, their pants would be gone.  
  
Raziel crept into the town as quickly and diligently as a cat. Guards tried to kill him, but it was no use. For before they could swing their mighty axes, their pants had been stolen.  
  
Guard#1: YAAAAAARGH! I HAVE BEEN PANTSED!  
  
Guard#2: I HAVE BEEN PANTSED AS WELL!  
  
Both guards: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
Raziel: MUHAHAHA!  
  
As the morning approached, more and more people in Meridian found that their pants were gone. Screams from every crevice of the city floated in the air, as they awoke more people that were now........PANTSLESS. The town was now completely pantsless.  
  
Guy: MY PERFECTLY GOOD PANTS?! OH, WHY HAST THOU DISAPPEARED?!  
  
Women: My.......my....PANTS! THEY ARE GONE! WHY MUST THIS BE?!  
  
Raziel smirked. He had claimed his very first victim. But other towns must be pantsed! Then another! And another! Until the whole world of Nosgoth was pantsless!!!!!!  
  
The Elder God spoke.  
  
Elder: You are getting side tracked, Raziel.....  
  
Raziel: Side tracked?! NO! I MUST HAVE PANTS! YOU MADE ME GO TO AERIAL AND MY BRETHREN WITHOUT PANTS?! PERVERT!!!!!!!! (gives Elder the middle claw)  
  
Elder: WHAT'S THAT FOR?!  
  
Raziel: I JUST TOLD YOU!  
  
Elder: Aerial didn't seemed to mind.....  
  
Raziel: SHUT UP!  
  
Elder: Arg. Fine. Be that way. You're not my friend anymore!  
  
Raziel: Fine!  
  
Elder: Fine!  
  
Raziel: Fine!  
  
Elder: Fine!  
  
Raziel: Fine!  
  
Elder: Fine!  
  
(Elder's voice fades) FINE!  
  
Raziel: FINE!  
  
Hmph! I showed HIM! Now.....back to my filthy evil I guess.....  
  
He stalked the next town: Coorhagen. This was where Kain was from as a human.  
  
Raziel: IT SMELLS HERE!  
  
Silence.  
  
Raziel walked into town. Despite the unpleasant odor, it was a decent sized place to alert all of Nosgoth of the missing pants.  
  
Where Raziel was storing the pants, you ask? He threw them in the chronoplast!  
  
(cut to Kain in the chronoplast with piles of pants in the center)  
  
Kain: ????????  
  
(back to Raziel)  
  
(Raziel stands on a wooden box)  
  
Raziel: *ahem* CITIZENS OF COORHAGEN! SURRENDER YOUR PANTS TO ME OR I WILL KILL YOU! IT'S AS SIMPLE AS THAT!  
  
(many pairs of pants fly toward Raziel and he catches them)  
  
Raziel runs off with the pants of Coorhagen! He teleports them to the chronoplast.  
  
(cut to Kain in the chronoplast)  
  
(more pants suddenly appear)  
  
Kain: @.@ Wha-? ?????? -_- so many pants.......  
  
(Back to Raziel)  
  
Raziel: Must......find.....more........pants........  
  
Just then, a messenger from another town on a horse is running to warn the other towns! He runs past Raziel.  
  
Messenger guy: WE'LL FIND THAT PANTS THIEF!  
  
Raziel: No you wont!  
  
Messenger guy: -_-  
  
WILL THEY EVER FIGURE OUT WHO IS STEALING THE PANTS? WILL KAIN EVER UNDERSTAND THE SUDDEN MULTITUDE OF PANTS IN THE CHRONOPLAST? REVIEW AND YOU'LL FIND OUT!!! 


	7. Mangled Blue Raz

`COTTON EYE JOE' (TECHNO REMIX)- is by Rednex, so don't sue me for this funny parody!  
  
` MANGLED BLUE RAZ' (TECHNO REMIX)  
  
Scene: (Kain is at the turntable, with records ready)  
  
Vorador is on the harmonica  
  
Aeriel is just a backup singer  
  
Malek has a fiddle (sorry Malek fans! Hehehehe..)  
  
Raziel is just sitting...watching everyone make idiots of themselves  
  
Takes place in a barn...hay everywhere...a few cows and piggies  
  
The music starts, nothing playing right now)  
  
Vorador: Been a long time for mangled blue Raz  
  
Might look good, aint got no jaw  
  
Where's ya come from?  
  
Where'd ya go?  
  
Where'd ya come from mangled blue Raz?  
  
(Malek starts with the fiddle, and Kain starts the turntable)  
  
Raziel: O_O;  
  
Vorador: Been a long time for mangled blue Raz  
  
Might look good, aint got no jaw  
  
Where's ya come from?  
  
Where'd ya go?  
  
Where'd ya come from mangled blue Raz?  
  
(Vorador starts harmonica, Kain goes faster with the turntable, Raziel slaps his forehead)  
  
Vorador: Been a long time for mangled blue Raz  
  
Might look good, aint got no jaw  
  
Where's ya come from?  
  
Where'd ya go?  
  
Where'd ya come from mangled blue Raz?  
  
(Raziel's brethren start dancing, kicking legs to the side, swinging around, Raziel trips Dumah)  
  
Raziel: _  
  
Vorador: Been a long time for mangled blue Raz  
  
Might look good, aint got no jaw  
  
Where's ya come from?  
  
Where'd ya go?  
  
Where'd ya come from mangled blue Raz?  
  
Vorador: Been a long time for mangled blue Raz  
  
Might look good, aint got no jaw  
  
Where's ya come from?  
  
Where'd ya go?  
  
Where'd ya come from mangled blue Raz?  
  
(Dumah gets back up, punches Raziel, then continues dancing)  
  
Aeriel: He fell apart when he got dumped in the pool  
  
The cape he had, he wears it like a scarf  
  
He felt wasted till he got back in the realm  
  
Go get `em! Mangled blue Raz!  
  
Raziel's brethren: YEE HAW!  
  
Vorador: Been a long time for mangled blue Raz  
  
Might look good, aint got no jaw  
  
Where's ya come from?  
  
Where'd ya go?  
  
Where'd ya come from mangled blue Raz?  
  
Been a long time for mangled blue Raz  
  
Might look good, aint got no jaw  
  
Where's ya come from?  
  
Where'd ya go?  
  
Where'd ya come from mangled blue Raz?  
  
(Malek goes fiddle crazy and does a solo) (Vorador works the harmonica)  
  
(Kain has a smile on his face as he watches Raziel beat up his brethren (and Aerial) and workin' the turntable at the same time)  
  
(Raziel lays in hay stack, a pig starts licking his face) (Raziel gets up and walks away, but gets caught dancing as his brethren force him to)  
  
Aerial: He fell apart when he got dumped in the pool  
  
The cape he had, he wears it like a scarf  
  
He felt wasted till he got back in the realm  
  
Go get `em! Mangled blue Raz!  
  
(Brethren swing Raziel around)  
  
(Kain is slightly banging his head to the beat)  
  
Vorador: Been a long time for mangled blue Raz  
  
Might look good, aint got no jaw  
  
Where's ya come from?  
  
Where'd ya go?  
  
Where'd ya come from mangled blue Raz?  
  
Been a long time for mangled blue Raz  
  
Might look good, aint got no jaw  
  
Where's ya come from?  
  
Where'd ya go?  
  
Where'd ya come from mangled blue Raz?  
  
(Raziel shoves his way out of the dancing brethren)  
  
Raziel: -_-  
  
Vorador: Been a long time for mangled blue Raz  
  
Might look good, aint got no jaw  
  
Where's ya come from?  
  
Where'd ya go?  
  
Where'd ya come from mangled blue Raz?  
  
Been a long time for mangled blue Raz  
  
Might look good, aint got no jaw  
  
Where's ya come from?  
  
Where'd ya go?  
  
Where'd ya come from mangled blue Raz?  
  
Vorador: Been a long time for mangled blue Raz  
  
Might look good, aint got no jaw  
  
Where's ya come from?  
  
Where'd ya go?  
  
Where'd ya come from mangled blue Raz?  
  
Been a long time for mangled blue Raz  
  
Might look good, aint got no jaw  
  
Where's ya come from?  
  
Where'd ya go?  
  
Where'd ya come from mangled blue Raz?  
  
Mangled blue Raz!  
  
(Everyone stops, the song is over)  
  
Raziel: WHY?  
  
ME: `Cause.  
  
DID YA LIKE?! PLEASE REVIEW!!! 


	8. MEATS!

Please enjoy this!!  
  
Don't worry, I would never be caught adding romance to Legacy of Kain. I'm not a crazy fan girl, though I have eyes for Raziel and Kain from BO2. But no one cares and neither do I. ^_-  
  
MEATS: FUN WITH ME AND THE LoK PEOPLE. BEWARE THE RANDOMNESS.  
  
Join me!  
  
  
  
Location: AT SOME SPOT!!  
  
Sarafan Raziel: (dressed in a meatloaf costume) Boop boop de doop! (jumps in a pool of piranhas)  
  
(the piranhas attack, but don't kill Raziel. Instead, they draw some blood, and the blood mixed in water spells the word "MEATS".)  
  
(pan to a studio)  
  
Announcer guy: Welcome to "MEATS"! The only show where we torture our guests by any means! And now, meet your hostess, Elexis the vampire!  
  
(no one claps nor cares)  
  
(I [Elexis] appear on stage)  
  
Me: THANK YOU! THANK YOU! (sits at desk) YOU'RE TOO KIND! We got some cool guests with us, the cast of at least MOST of the Legacy of Kain games!  
  
(audience does nothing)  
  
(crickets chirp)  
  
Me: Where are they?  
  
(peaks behind the curtain)  
  
Blood Omen Kain: Does this make me look fat?  
  
Me: HEY! You guys are on!  
  
Blood Omen 2 Kain: So that's what I looked like….Hmmm…No, you don't look fat.  
  
Me: HEY!  
  
Present Kain: Coming! Damn…..  
  
Me: Okay! (sits at desk, the sarafan, vampire, and present Raziel emerge)  
  
Vampire Raziel: (to S. Raziel) They didn't tell me YOU'D be here!  
  
S. Raziel: Got a problem?!  
  
V. Raziel: YEAH! YOU'RE A BASTARD!  
  
S. Raziel: That's uncalled for!  
  
(they beat each other up) (the present Raziel just stands there and shakes his head)  
  
(I run up)  
  
Me: HEY! BOYS! BOYS! You're on T.V.!  
  
V. Raziel: What's TV?  
  
Me: ……………Never mind. Just sit down.  
  
V. Raziel: Not next to THAT! (points to S. Raziel)  
  
Me: SIT OR FACE THE CONSEQUENCES!  
  
S. Raziel: What consequences?  
  
Me: The consequences of me beating both of you up so bad, you're mother's brother's sister's father will cry. (cracks knuckles)  
  
(They all sit)  
  
(next, Vorador comes in and sits)  
  
Me: Ah. The vampire of polygamy.  
  
Vorador: -_-;  
  
(Aeriel comes in)  
  
Me: Hi, Aeriel! Have a seat!  
  
Aeriel: A body is needed to sit…..flesh and bones are required to recline…  
  
Me: -. -. …….Fine. Just stand…….er….float…whatever you like to do.  
  
(Malek is supposed to come in at this point)  
  
Me: Alright! Where's Malek?!  
  
Announcer: He got lost……he couldn't see……..  
  
Me: Ooooook.  
  
(Blood Omen Kain, Blood Omen 2 Kain, and the present Kain come in)  
  
(they all sit)  
  
Me: Blood Omen 2 Kain, you look great.  
  
BO2 Kain: Uh…Thanks.  
  
BO Kain: I KNEW he'd get all the attention…..  
  
Me: Hm? Sorry, Kain. You're great, too. Your alternate selves are well built, and, since I have to be a stupid fan girl for a moment, sexy. Ok. No more fan girl stuff after this, I promise.  
  
Present Kain: Which future self?  
  
Me: Uh….both…I guess.  
  
Both BO2 and present Kain: Ah. (sticks chest out in pride)  
  
BO Kain: Hmph….  
  
Me: Not there's anything wrong with YOU! I loved Blood Omen….It was my introduction into being part of the fanhood of the series!  
  
BO: (turns the other way so as to pout)  
  
Me: And where have the brethren gone?  
  
(All of Raziel's vampiric brethren walk in, followed by their deformed counterparts, but Melchiah's monster form is missing)  
  
Me: HEY! Where's Melchiah's other form?!  
  
V. Melchiah: Uh……you see…….  
  
Stage manager: He won't fit in the door way! And he's already cracked all the mirrors in the building!!  
  
(pan to three humans trying to shove the montrous Melchiah into the door)  
  
Person #1: HEAVE!  
  
(pan back to a blank face on everyone sitting in the studio)  
  
Me:……………..Um….Ok….Where's Mobious?  
  
(Mobious runs in, looking tired and run down)  
  
Mobious: DAMN! I was walking down the street when an old lady beat me with her cane, then some dogs came after me, an then….and then…!  
  
Me: Very nice. Have a seat.  
  
Moboius: (blinks, then sits)  
  
Me: Well………..looks like everyone's pretty much here……OH WAIT! JANOS AUNDRON!  
  
(Janos comes in)  
  
Janos: Sorry! Got stuck in traffic!  
  
Me: But you can fly…  
  
Janos: Yeah, and have you ever flown behind geese?! Its not pretty….  
  
Me: I figured……Well. NOW everyone's here…  
  
Vorador: Yep…….  
  
BO2 Kain: Why ARE we here? We just came in because we had nothing to do…..  
  
Me: You DO know why you all are here……  
  
BO2 Kain: I do?  
  
Me: Well…..Your future self does……  
  
Present Kain: Oh….NO. NO! YOU CAN"T!  
  
Me: YEP. That's right! (reaches behind back and grabs white sheets) TOGA TIME!  
  
Everyone but me: AHHHHHHHH!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!! (runs)  
  
Me: I don't think so! (telekenikly shuts all door and seals walls in steal)  
  
Everyone but me: SH*T!  
  
(SLOW MOTION)  
  
(I run up to them, they turn around)  
  
Everyone but me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
(I tackle them, and after I'm get up, they are all in togas)  
  
(NORMAL MOTION)  
  
Me: MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Dumah: I could've SWORN I saw this coming….  
  
Rahab: Why didn't you say something then?!  
  
V. Raziel: Because he's an idiot…..  
  
Dumah: Right. Because I'm an….HEY!  
  
BO2 Kain:???????? When did this happen?!  
  
Me: At the blink of an eye!  
  
BO2 Kain: (blinks)  
  
Me: See you blinked! HA! I just did it again!  
  
BO2 Kain: -_-  
  
BO Kain: WHY?  
  
Me: Its funny. Togas are always funny.  
  
BO Kain: They are?!  
  
Me: Of course! They're funny now!  
  
S. Raziel: This is scary…..I feel comfortable for some reason.  
  
Janos: Where has my pineapple gone?!  
  
Me: I don't have it…..  
  
Janos: PINEAPPLE!  
  
Aeriel: Don't look at me! I HATE pineapples!  
  
(Everyone stops and stares at her)  
  
BO2 Kain: You WHAT?!  
  
Zephon: How could you!!!!  
  
Present Raziel: That's disgusting! It's impossible!  
  
Vorador: I didn't think it was possible to HATE pineapples!  
  
Me: Dear Lord….  
  
Turel: I don't believe it!  
  
Aeriel: Uh…Well….You see….  
  
BO Kain: We DON'T see! There are no excuses for hating pineapples!  
  
Mobious: You monster!  
  
Melchiah: PINEAPPLE HATER!  
  
(Everyone runs after her)  
  
Aeriel: CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DID I SAY I HATED PINEAPPLES?! HAHAHA! SILLY ME!  
  
(they don't stop)  
  
(Aeriel punches Vorador, V. Raziel, and BO2 Kain)  
  
Aeriel: I'm not the wimpy girl you think you know!  
  
Rahab: Oh yeah? (swings at her)  
  
(Aeriel knocks him on the nose)  
  
Vorador: Do you even REMEMBER pineapples?!  
  
Aeriel:………  
  
(Vorador shoves one in her face)  
  
Aeriel: HEY! ITS DELICIOUS!  
  
S. Raziel: Of course it is! Its a pineapple!  
  
Aeriel: Well I suppose this ends the 'pineapple' hater thing….  
  
Janos: I WANT MY PINEAPPLE!  
  
S. Raziel: Oh yes…now back to that……  
  
(everyone just sits)  
  
Me: Quit looking so hard…  
  
S. Raziel: HEY! It's pretty hard to locate a pineapple that belongs to a vampire…  
  
Me: Well, where would you go if were a pineapple…….  
  
S. Raziel: (thinks)  
  
Zephon: Well, you see. To find a pineapple, you must study a pineapple, then become the pineapple, then move in with the pineapple, then wear pineapple clothes, then……..  
  
Me: Quit while you're ahead, Zephon.  
  
BO2 Kain: OW! (stands up, revealing that he was sitting on the pineapple)  
  
Janos: YAY! (takes it and puts it on his head)  
  
Mobious: There's a pineapple on you're head. You've got head pineapples….  
  
Janos: I happen to LIKE my head pineapples….  
  
Me: Leave the pineapple Janos alone, he likes pineapples just as much as we do…..  
  
Mobious: But the raging horror of head pineapples….  
  
Me: The raging horror of you never shutting yer mouth…  
  
(Mobious pouts)  
  
Rahab: 'Scuse me, where's the bathroom?  
  
V. Raziel: You just went before we got here!  
  
Rahab: I also drained 400 people of their blood when we got here! Please! Where is it, Elexis!  
  
Me: Third hall to the right, then third hall to the left, then the third hall on the left again, then turn right, then left, then left, and it's the third door on the left.  
  
Rahab: (not quite understanding) …Ok. (leaves)  
  
BO Kain: Eh…He'll find it eventually.  
  
Aeriel: Well, now that the pineapple charade is over, now what?  
  
Me: Ummmmmmmmmmmmm……heh.  
  
BO2 Kain: What does 'HEH' mean?  
  
Present Kain: Something bad, obviously.  
  
Present Raziel: Nothing could be as bad as these togas……  
  
S. Raziel: I wouldn't be so sure…(points at me)  
  
Dumah: What?  
  
V. Raziel: O_O  
  
BO Kain: HOLY CRAP!  
  
Janos: NO.  
  
Me: (turns around in chair to face them) Heheheh….that's right….it's time for…..PIGGIES! (tosses a ton of tiny rubber piggies everywhere)  
  
Aeriel: THE HORRIBLE PIGGIES!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH! (floats away)  
  
Turel: HAHA! PIGGIES! YAY!  
  
Present Kain: He's always been an odd one…..  
  
(Turel frolics in the piggies)  
  
Me: Piggies!  
  
V. Raziel: Yeah…piggies, togas, and pineapples……  
  
Me: Damn straight!  
  
Dumah: (picks up a rubber piggie and squeezes it so it squeaks)  
  
Vorador: Why the piggies? WHYYYYYY?!  
  
Me: I dunno. They're just little round piggies……  
  
Turel: Embrace the piggies! (hugs a bunch of piggies)  
  
Vorador: I see……..yes…….piggies…..piggies indeed…….(squeezes a little piggie)  
  
Me: Is he plotting something?  
  
BO Kain: No one ever knows what the hell he's doing…  
  
Me: Ah.  
  
(Rahab runs in)  
  
Rahab: (pant pant) Well! SOMEONE isn't so good at directions!  
  
Me: (snicker)  
  
Rahab: WHAT? You MEANT to send me off course?! I got attacked by wild potato people!  
  
Me: Oh them. They're harmless.  
  
Rahab: MY ASS! They belted me with mashed potatoes!  
  
Me: Oh. Sorry, man. Mint? (hands Rahab mint)  
  
Rahab: Thank you. (munch munch) What's with all the piggies?  
  
S. Raziel: Do you really need to ask?  
  
Me: ^_^  
  
END. REVIEW I TELL YOU! REVIEW!!!!!!!!!! 


	9. VAMPIRE SHOWERS!

HEY, IF VAMPIRES BURN IN WATER, HOW DO THEY KEEP CLEAN, MUCH LESS SMELL GOOD? FIND OUT WHEN I TAKE THE CAMERA AND FOLLOW THE VAMPIRES!!!! LET'S GO!  
  
  
  
Scene: I am sneaking around the Sanctuary of the Clans, near Kain's throne, only I am in there.  
  
(I may be a vampire, but I have my OWN ways of doing things……)  
  
Me: (Stares at Kain's throne) How does he NOT get hemorrhoids?  
  
(in the distance) Raziel: IT'S MY TURN! YOU'VE HAD IT FOR AN HOUR!  
  
Turel: Dumah had it longer!  
  
Dumah: Did not!  
  
Turel: Did too!  
  
Dumah: Did not!  
  
Turel: Did too!  
  
Dumah: Did not!  
  
Turel: Did too!  
  
Dumah: Did not!  
  
Turel: Did too!  
  
Kain: BE QUIET ALL OF YOU, IT'S MINE NOW!  
  
Me: ooooOOOOOOO! This'll be great! Kain……uh….doing something! (turns on video camera, shot of cameras point of view) (I run off)  
  
(I run past Raziel, Dumah, and Turel)  
  
Raziel: Where do you think you're going?!  
  
Me: See what Kain's doing!  
  
Raziel: (blinks) All right. Go ahead. Uh….your going to video tape this excursion?  
  
Me: Who wouldn't?  
  
Raziel: Good point.  
  
(I start running again)  
  
(the sound of liquid falling on tile is heard)  
  
Raziel: I'm using the tub…  
  
Melchiah: Me, too. Kain is in there FOREVER.  
  
Zephon: Count me in, too.  
  
Rahab: Eh. What the hell…..  
  
Raziel: Lackeys….  
  
Zephon: ARE NOT!  
  
Raziel: Are too!  
  
Zephon: ARE NOT!  
  
(I am near the source; I press against the wall)  
  
Me: He's in there!  
  
(I open the door in front of me; I am in the same room as Kain) (we see a curtain guarding the source, and where Kain is)  
  
Me: Should I? Or not? Either way, it'll be on my conscience for the next century….(thinks briefly) Alright!  
  
(swiftly open curtain)  
  
Me: PEEKABOO! ^_^  
  
Kain: X_x; AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! (pulls curtain over……..you know what.)  
  
Me: O_O;; AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! (runs out of the room)  
  
(Raziel and brethren are getting ready for a dip in a tub similar to what you see in anime, the large tubs in the ground with the wall….you know what I mean? They only have towels around their waists)  
  
(I suddenly go running through)  
  
Me: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
Raziel and brethren:??????  
  
Raziel: (sarcastically) Huh. I wonder what she did….  
  
(Zephon snickers)  
  
(Kain appears, towel around waist, looks like he had a heart attack)  
  
Kain: MY GOD. SHE JUST…SHE JUST….  
  
Melchiah: Walked on in on ya, huh?  
  
Kain: No, she didn't walk in on me, she saw me in the shower! Very much on purpose.  
  
(Zephon busts up laughing)  
  
Kain: What are you laughing at?!  
  
Zephon: Probably at what she saw! HAHAAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!  
  
(Kain pounds Zephon in the ground)  
  
Meanwhile: I am back in Kain's throne room, camera still on, I have it facing toward me)  
  
Me: I don't know how to react. It was like I had no control over what I did…….But it was funny!!!!! (snicker snicker) (blinks) HEY! I thought vampires burned in water! I must find out what this is all about!  
  
(Conveniently, Rahab and Dumah are walking by)  
  
Rahab: What was that yelling all about?  
  
Me: I'll tell you if you tell me something…..  
  
Rahab: What?  
  
Me: Tell me……what kind of water do vampires bathe in?  
  
Rahab: Easy. Salt water.  
  
Me: Ok.  
  
Dumah: Now YOU tell US what happened!  
  
Me: (giggling) I snuck up on Kain in the shower and opened the curtain! (laugh!!!!!!!)  
  
Dumah and Rahab: O_o;  
  
Me: And its all on tape! (holds up video camera)  
  
Dumah and Rahab: *o*  
  
Back at the tub)  
  
Raziel: Um….I'm sure we'll all forget this in the morning…..  
  
Kain: Nope. She's got it on tape!  
  
Raziel: That sucks. Well, sorry to hear it, but its my relaxing time here. (takes off towel and gets in tub)  
  
Ahhhhhh. ^_____________^  
  
Kain: (SIGH) (gets in as well)  
  
(the others join)  
  
Raziel: Uhhhh…Did I not specify that this is MY time?  
  
Kain: Too bad.  
  
Raziel: -_-;  
  
Kain: I hate my unlife.  
  
Raziel: Well…only you can fix that problem. You can't have others do everything for you….  
  
Kain: I don't need a pep talk, Raziel. So shut up.  
  
Raziel: (mumble mumble)  
  
(in the sanctuary)  
  
Me: HAHA! Want me to rewind that?!  
  
(Rahab, Dumah, and I are huddled around the video camera's screen)  
  
Dumah: Yep. You surprised him alright…..  
  
Rahab: Look at his face!  
  
Me: (laughter) This had to be the funniest thing I've done since the togas and piggies!  
  
Dumah: (shiver) Don't remind me….  
  
Rahab: So, Elexis, tell me…..Did you ENJOY seeing Kain like that?  
  
Me: Like what? Surprised? OF COURSE I DID! That's the essence of the entire act!  
  
Rahab: No……..I mean in the open……..  
  
Me: Ya know…I don't even remember starring at anything in the perverted sense……so no….  
  
Rahab: You didn't see….um….that?  
  
Me: No. His face was too funny to look away.  
  
Dumah: I'd have to agree.  
  
Me: Hopefully you do……(laughs)  
  
Dumah: -. -.  
  
(at the tub)  
  
Raziel: I'm going back in. (gets out, puts on towel, and leaves)  
  
Zephon: Party pooper….  
  
Melchiah: See ya.  
  
Kain: No comment.  
  
(Raziel goes in the sanctuary and into his room to dress)  
  
Dumah: HEY! Raziel just got out of the tub! Elexis! Go open the door!  
  
Me: I'm not taking orders from YOU! I take orders from no one!! NO ONE!!! HAHAHA!! Why can't YOU do it if you want to see him naked, DUMAH!  
  
Dumah: He's my brother! That's sick! You're sick! Besides, having a FEMALE walk in is much more embarrassing, trust me, I speak from experience.  
  
Me: Do you think I care?  
  
Dumah: No.  
  
Me: Exactly.  
  
Duamh: PLEASE?  
  
(I beat him up in a pretzel shape)  
  
Dumah: -_-……..(walks away using his arms that are closer to the floor than his legs)  
  
Me: (looks at the camera) Hmmmmm….  
  
Rahab: Oh no…you wouldn't…….  
  
Me: (smirk) I would…….  
  
(I sneak up to Raziel's door and swing it open)  
  
Me: HII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Raziel: X_X AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!! (runs and slams the door, I walk back to Rahab)  
  
(LAUGHTER!!!)  
  
Rahab: Look at his face!  
  
(Kain, Zephon, and Melchiah come in) (Zephon walks away)  
  
Kain: Oh no…what are you laughing at NOW?  
  
Me: Raziel……  
  
Kain: O_@ You got him, too?! Let me see! (watches film and snickers) He has the dumbest look on his face….  
  
Rahab: You should talk……  
  
(Kain pounds Rahab)  
  
(Raziel comes out of his room)  
  
Raziel: ELEXIS!  
  
Me: What?  
  
Raziel: You know what I'm talking about! And it's not funny!  
  
Me: Yes, it is.  
  
Raziel: I see that Zephon has retired to his room to dress. Are you going to embarrass him, too?  
  
Me: Actually, I am. (sneaks over to Zephon's room)  
  
Raziel: (he looks as though he is going to stop her, but decides not to) This'll be funny.  
  
Kain: (snicker)  
  
(In the distance, a door opens)  
  
Me: WAZZZZZZZZZZZZZAP?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Zephon: CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! (dives for door and shuts it, a loud thud is heard)  
  
(Kain and everyone fall over laughing)  
  
(I return with a dumb grin on my face)  
  
Melchiah: Let me see! (all huddle around the camera)  
  
Raziel: (laughs) His eyes look like they tripled in size…..heh.  
  
Me: They did. I could see undead eye sockets….  
  
Kain: That must have been amusing for the second you saw it…  
  
Me: It was…….and now….the coup de grace of this little adventure! (turns camera over, revealing a red button) Hehe…..  
  
Kain: Now what?  
  
Me: PREPARE YOUR BLADDERS FOR IMMINENT RELEASE! RELEASE THE LUNATIC FAN GIRLS AND PIGGIES!  
  
All but me: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (deep breath) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Fan girls: AHHHH!!!!!! Can I get your number, Kain? Melchiah! Let me see you!  
  
Go out with me, Raz!  
  
Me: _  
  
Raziel: I'm gonna get you, Elexis.  
  
Zephon: Just be glad she isn't one of them…..  
  
Me: (I whistle as the fan girls maul the poor vampires) Hmmmmm……HEY! FAN GIRLS! LOOK! IT'S….UH…..IT'S…..THAT GUY FROM THE THING! (?????)  
  
Fan girls: (GASP!) (they run)  
  
Rahab: I'll kill you, Elexis!  
  
Me: Hey! I saved you!  
  
Rahab: DAMMIT! Good point……(blinks) But what about the piggies?  
  
Me: Eh….Let 'em be. Piggies are our friends!  
  
  
  
  
  
DIS BE THE END OF DIS CHAPTER! REVIEW! DA PIGGIES COMMAND YOU! 


	10. LoK Lines ending in....ON THE TOILET!

LEGACY OF KAIN LINES ENDING WITH 'ON THE TOILET'  
  
Ok, call me immature, but it's funny! It REALLY IS! WARNING: SOUL REAVER 2 SPOILERS!!  
  
Oh yes, and many thanks to all the lovely people who gave good reviews! THANKS!  
  
Let's get started!  
  
  
  
  
  
From Blood Omen:  
  
Nupraptor: LEAVE, and let my solitude be complete on the toilet!  
  
Nupraptor: Can I not mourn in peace on the toilet?  
  
Kain: Nothing tastes better than that from vengeance sated on the toilet…….  
  
Vorador: After slaughtering six of the sheep on the toilet…….  
  
Kain: I pondered this while the old fool babbled on about his past on the toilet.  
  
Malek: VENGEANCE! Vengeance for my eternity of suffering on the toilet!  
  
Kain: I didn't care if I was in heaven or hell on the toilet.  
  
Elder God: You will have the blood you hunger for on the toilet!  
  
Kain: I sought the Pillars for answers on the toilet.  
  
Vorador: Now be gone on the toilet!  
  
Kain: I serve NO ONE on the toilet!  
  
Kain: Vas victus on the toilet!  
  
Kain: But I am dead on the toilet!  
  
Mobius: Destiny says you die on the toilet!  
  
Kain: We ARE gods. DARK GODS on the toilet.  
  
Kain: Vorador thought my curse a blessing on the toilet….  
  
FROM SOUL REAVER 1:  
  
Kain: Cast him in on the toilet!  
  
Raziel: The decent had destroyed me….and yet…..I lived on the toilet.  
  
Elder God: Raziel! You are worthy on the toilet!  
  
Mechiah: You awake to a world of fear on the toilet.  
  
Raziel: Enough of your riddles on the toilet!  
  
Raziel: What pitiful form have I come to inhabit on the toilet?  
  
Raziel: I am Raziel on the toilet……  
  
Kain: You dare to speak to me of conscience on the toilet?!  
  
Melchiah: You are the last to die on the toilet!  
  
Raziel: Is this what I've become? I ghoul….A FRATRICIDE ON THE TOILET?  
  
Raziel: You made a mistake leaving my unbound on the toilet.  
  
Zephon: The insect mind finds little difference on the toilet…..  
  
Zephon: the prodigal son….there is no returning for you, Raziel on the toilet.  
  
Aeriel: Aeriel remembers what others have forgotten on the toilet.  
  
Elder God: The choice…..is not yours on the toilet.  
  
Elder God: I can make it possible on the toilet.  
  
Raziel: I have served him…..a millennium on the toilet.  
  
Rahab: Do not mock me on the toilet.  
  
Raziel: I plunged into the depths of the abyss on the toilet…..  
  
Raziel: I would have to modify my tactics to suit my foes on the toilet.  
  
Raziel: Vampires need only fear those wounds that impale or inflame on the toilet.  
  
Raziel: I knew the hand that rocked this deed on the toilet………  
  
Raziel: Could Kain spare none of his brood on the toilet?  
  
Elder God: It was not Kain but Dumah's own arrogance that led to the downfall on his clan on the toilet.  
  
Raziel: Has this all been foretold on the toilet?  
  
Elder: From this moment and ever afterwards you and this blade are inexplicably bound on the toilet.  
  
Elder: Know thy self, though it may destroy you on the toilet.  
  
Dumah: We shall test your theory on the toilet.  
  
Raziel: Your thanks are premature on the toilet.  
  
Raziel: VERY poetic on the toilet, Kain.  
  
Kain: Free will…..is an illusion on the toilet…..  
  
Aeriel: May you find peace on the here on the toilet.  
  
Kain: These Pillars have outlasted their usefulness on the toilet…..as have you on the toilet.  
  
Kain: This is not WHERE or HOW it ends on the toilet.  
  
Kain: Fate promises more twists before this drama unfolds completely on the toilet.  
  
Raziel: The sarafan were saviors on the toilet! Defending Nosgoth from the corruption that we represent on the toilet!  
  
Raziel: Your dirty secret is exposed on the toilet!  
  
Tomb Guardian: Your insults will do nothing to blunt your demise on the toilet!  
  
FROM SOUL REAVER 2:  
  
Mobious: Where am I? Is the usual question on the toilet……  
  
Raziel: Is this the vampire Vorador on the toilet?  
  
Mobious: We were even close on the toilet.  
  
Raziel: Oh, please on the toilet.  
  
Raziel: I noticed a second time streaming device on the toilet.  
  
Raziel: Your silence was refreshing on the toilet.  
  
Mobious: I urge you to reconsider on the toilet!  
  
Vorador: You're a ragged excuse for a savior on the toilet.  
  
Raziel: I have been many things on the toilet.  
  
Kain: Let's call it a two-sided coin on the toilet.  
  
Raziel: To end this stale mate you MUST die so new guardians can be born on the toilet!  
  
Kain: There's a third option on the toilet.  
  
Kain: And if Mobious told you I was on the under side of hell, would you throw yourself into oblivion to pursue me on the toilet?  
  
Raziel: I have pursued you here for one purpose on the toilet!  
  
Sarafan Raziel: I'll make it merciful for you on the toilet.  
  
Sarafan Raziel: REMEMBER THE SWORD ON THE TOILET!  
  
Mobious: I'm not as foolish as I let you believe on the toilet.  
  
Janos Audron: No. I do not hate them on the toilet.  
  
Janos: What have they done to you on the toilet?!  
  
Raziel: I have been dragged to hell and back on the toilet.  
  
Kain: No drama this time on the toilet.  
  
Elder: I made you, and I can unmake you on the toilet.  
  
Raziel: I don't know who's pulling the strings, but it no longer matters, because I'm cutting them on the toilet.  
  
Raziel: Go. In there on the toilet!  
  
Mobious: What are you doing on the toilet?  
  
Raziel: And there was the reaver, depicted as a holy icon on the toilet.  
  
Raziel: Oh no. Everytime you show up, something monumental and terrible happens on the toilet.  
  
Kain: Regardless of your sentiments, Raziel, we ARE on the toilet.  
  
Raziel: You talk as though we're allies on the toilet!  
  
Kain: My God…the Hilton! We've walked right into their trap on the toilet!  
  
Kain: Raziel, Janos must STAY dead on the toilet!  
  
Raziel: And there….waiting for me as always…was the reaver on the toilet.  
  
Raziel: History abhors a paradox on the toilet.  
  
Raziel: You've been orchestrating me ever move on the toilet!!  
  
Kain: Poor William on the toilet…….  
  
Kain: This event does not have to be an ending….it can become a prelude on the toilet.  
  
Raziel: You knew I would leave the Sarafan to Janos you vile bastard on the toilet!  
  
Mobious: It was fun while it lasted on the toilet!  
  
Janos: They fear what they don't understand on the toilet.  
  
Raziel:……This was simply ruthless persecution on the toilet.  
  
Raziel: The Pillars of Nosgoth….prestine…..whole…..and uncorrupted on the toilet.  
  
Raziel: These bastards had nothing to do with the deranged jackals I left behind in Kain's derelict empire on the toilet.  
  
Kain: See this on the toilet!  
  
Kain: Be still on the toilet, Raziel!  
  
Janos: The Pillars are the lock on the toilet.  
  
Raziel: and the reaver is the key on the toilet!  
  
Mobious: and who has slandered me so on the toilet?  
  
Aeriel: Kain MUST die on the toilet!  
  
Vorador: Let the human cattle have it on the toilet!  
  
Vorador: You're simply too late on the toilet.  
  
Raziel: Is that where all your courage comes from on the toilet?  
  
Kain: William dies a martyred saint on the toilet, and I; his vampire assassin, become the author of my own species extinction on the toilet.  
  
  
  
THE END! WHEW! Review! Please?! 


	11. THE LOK CAST MAKES TOAST!

SORRY ABOUT THE WAIT! SERIOUSLY!  
  
  
  
IN THIS CHAPTER, WE JOIN RAZIEL, HIS BRETHREN, VORADOR, AND KAIN ON A QUEST TO MAKE TOAST!  
  
  
  
Vorador starred at the appliance that sat in front of him.  
  
Vorador: (blinks)  
  
He turned to the slices of bread that sat next to it.  
  
Vorador:?????  
  
(Kain wanders in from no where)  
  
Kain:??????  
  
(Raziel and brethren walk in)  
  
(they all stare at the toaster)  
  
Raziel: ????? What trickery is this?  
  
Me: It is no trickery….it is……..a toaster.  
  
Dumah: Toast….ER?  
  
Me: Yes.  
  
Melchiah: Wow……and what magic does this 'TOASTER' perform?  
  
Me: One of the most startling nature…it makes bread TASTE better.  
  
Kain: There is no way!  
  
Vorador: It is impossible!  
  
Me: NOTHING is impossible…….ESPECIALLY with a toaster such as this one.  
  
Rahab: My God…….  
  
Turel: (look of PURE shock)  
  
Zephon: I don't believe it……  
  
Me: Believe! For it is true! (takes a slice of bread and sets it in the toaster and presses the lever down)  
  
Everyone but me: o_o; *GASP!*  
  
Me: Now we wait.  
  
Kain: How long must we wait for this…. TOAST?  
  
Me: 2 minutes!  
  
Zephon: Can it be true?!  
  
  
  
Me: 'Tis true!  
  
(Toast pops up)  
  
Everyone but me: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!  
  
Me: It is okay! The toast……………………has been made!  
  
Raziel: May I try?  
  
Me: HA! Vampires do not eat human food!  
  
Raziel: I…….I have to try! (grabs toast and bites it) Its…..its………its delicious!  
  
Me: ALL toast is delicious.  
  
Melchiah: I must have some!  
  
Kain: Me too!  
  
Vorador: Me as well! I must have this toast!  
  
Rahab: We all want toast!  
  
Me: Well I'm not making it for you. You must learn to make toast on your own!  
  
Kain: Then we could make toast whenever we want!  
  
(some toasters appear before each of the characters)  
  
Dumah: oooooooOOOO!  
  
(some bread appears)  
  
Me: Where's all this coming from?  
  
(a guy hanging from the ceiling is seen)  
  
Guy: It was me all along! Hahahaha-!  
  
(I throw a beaver at him)  
  
Guy: Ahhhhhh! (drops and runs away)  
  
Me: Now, take one slice of bread and slide it into the slot atop the toaster…….  
  
(Melchiah tries to shove it in at the side)  
  
Me: ATOP!  
  
Melchiah: Oh! (puts it in on top)  
  
Me: Now, press the lever beneath that slot down.  
  
(Everyone succeeds)  
  
Me: Now we wait! Just don't….  
  
(Rahab sticks his claw in the toaster)  
  
Me: RAHAB! STOP!!!!!  
  
(Rahab gets electrocuted)  
  
Rahab: GAAAAAARG!  
  
Me: There, and I hope that taught you a lesson!  
  
Rahab (laying on the floor): Owwww………..-_-  
  
(Dumah runs to the phone)  
  
Dumah: QUICK! What's the number for 911?!  
  
Me: ………………….Eh! He'll be fine. Right. Rahab? (smacks him playfully)  
  
(Rahab doesn't move)  
  
Me: RIGHT, RAHAB?!  
  
Kain: Eh, he'll be fine. Not like this is the first time he's done something incredibly lame. Meanwhile, MY TOAST HAS COMPLETED ITS TOASTING! BEHOLD! (holds up golden brown toast)  
  
Everyone: oOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!  
  
Melchiah: Why dosent mine look like that? (holds up black toast)  
  
Me: Cuz ya burnt it. You left it in too long.  
  
Melchiah: My poor toast………*sniff*  
  
Raziel: HAHAHAAHAHAHA! I HAVE MADE THE PERFECT TOAST! STARE IN AWE IN THE PRESENCE OF MY TOAST!  
  
(no one does anything)  
  
Zephon: Kain's was better…….  
  
Turel: No it wasn't!  
  
Zephon: Was too!  
  
Turel: Was not!  
  
Zephon: Was too!  
  
Turel: Was not!  
  
Zephon: Was too!  
  
Turel: Was not!  
  
Me: *sigh* All toast is good toast!  
  
  
  
DEE END! REVIEW PLEASE! 


	12. LoK cast at zee beach!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS TIME, WE FOLLOW KAIN, RAZIEL, AND BRETHREN TO ZEE BEACH! THANK YOU, DEMON HUNTER, FOR THE IDEA! Hey, I'm getting ideas! This will NEVER end! Eternal insanity! Muhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! HA! Oh yes…..just for purpose of insight, tell me what ya think of my self insertion! DO IT!  
  
  
  
  
  
(Kain gets out of a carriage with Raziel and the others, all in swim trunks)  
  
Kain: Wait…..we cant go in water…….  
  
Raziel: Well look at our skin! We're all white and crap! (pulls out beach towel, puts it on the sand, and he lays on it)  
  
Melchiah: 'Guess your right……. (does the same)  
  
Zephon: (puts foot on sand) AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! ITS HOT! ITS HOOOOOOOOOOOOT! *runs around into the water* ahhhhhhhhh……….(realizes he's not supposed be in water) AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (runs back on the sand) AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! ITS HOT! (goes back to the water) AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! (goes back to the sand) AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  
  
(this continues for……..probably the rest of the trip)  
  
Kain: SIGH  
  
(a bunch of girls stare at the group of pale, yet buff newbies at the beach)  
  
Fan girls: AAHHHHHHH!!! GOT OUT WITH ME!!!  
  
(Kain and his vampires, except for Zephon, who is still running, start running)  
  
Raziel: CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(I swing in, Tarzan style) (I kick the girls away)  
  
Me: MUHAHAHA!  
  
Kain: Crap! Elexis! She's twice as bad!  
  
Me: HEY! (punches Kain)  
  
Kain: Grrrrrrrr…….  
  
Raziel: Damn………no more togas….PLEASE! No more togas!  
  
Me: Don't worry, no togas this time…  
  
All: WHEW!  
  
Me: Yep. Just grass hula skirts for you guys, not me………..I don't do skirts….  
  
All: Whe-! WHAT?!  
  
Me: (evil grin) hehehe…… (grabs hula grass skirts and, at the blink of an eye, removes swim trunks, and replaces then with…………GRASS SKIRTS!!!!!!!!)  
  
All but me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
Kain: Why do you keep redressing us?  
  
Me: (shrugs)  
  
Zephon: AAAAHHHHHHHHH! THE SAND IS HOT! AAAAHHHHHHH! THE WATER….IT BURNS!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
Me: What's with him?  
  
Dumah: You don't want to know.  
  
Me: Gotcha.  
  
(in the distance, a potato explodes)  
  
Turel: What the hell was that?!  
  
Me: A potato has exploded…….  
  
Rahab: Elexis, why do potatoes explode?  
  
Me: It is a potato's nature to explode. Now…..DANCE!  
  
Vampires: What?  
  
Me: DANCE! And do the tango with these weasels! (tosses a weasel for each of them, the each catch one)  
  
Raziel: Uh……weasels?  
  
Me: Yep.  
  
Raziel: HEY! I'm not taking orders from YOU!  
  
Me: Its not an order. Its something fun for you to do other than burn yourselves in the sun or in the water.  
  
Raziel: But I don't wanna……..  
  
Rahab: Me neither!  
  
Kain: I guess I'll agree..  
  
Dumah: Hmmmmm……  
  
Turel: WEASELS! YAY! (dances)  
  
Me: See? He's enjoying himself….  
  
Melchiah: That's because he's nuts.  
  
Me: We all know that. But you also know that I am, too.  
  
Kain: Any 5 year old knows that.  
  
Me: They sure do.  
  
Kain: -. -.  
  
Raziel: Hehe….weasel!  
  
Kain: No…not you, too!  
  
Raziel: @_@ Weasel……I DANCE NOW! (dances)  
  
Kain: What did you do?  
  
Me: I put a crazy spell on the weasels……you should be reacting any minute now……  
  
Kain: You WHAT?! I'll…..@_@ Weasel……………………..HAHAHAHAHAHA! (drops to the floor and rolls around)  
  
(Not long after, the rest start acting crazy, excluding Zephon, of course, who is still running in and out of the water)  
  
Me: Ahhhhhhhhhh….nothing like a relaxin' day at the beach….right?  
  
  
  
  
  
REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	13. Untitled!!!!!!!!!!!! WHHHEEEEEEEEEEE!!

Untitled: A story of pure randomness. I'm not in this one! I'm on break…….  
  
  
  
NOPE! I'm NOT SPOILING THE INSANITY FOR YOU!! NUGAT!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
Somewhere, not in a grocery store, a story begins!  
  
  
  
(Kain is sitting on his throne……..doing nothing)  
  
  
  
Raziel(in the distance): MEATS!  
  
Kain:?  
  
Dumah: Calm down!  
  
Zephon: NO!! THAT'S MY SQUEEKY MOOSE TOY!! DON'T-!  
  
(POP!)  
  
Zephon: Pop it…… -_-;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; My moose……. (sniff)  
  
Melchiah: Get over it.  
  
Turel: Raziel! Stay! Don't move!  
  
Raziel: YAAAAAAAARGH! MEATS!  
  
(Kain runs to the scene)  
  
Kain: What the hell-? Raziel! Put down that there beaver!  
  
Raziel: Grr! (throws it at Kain)  
  
Kain: What's his problem?!  
  
Rahab: He wants some dee-lishious meats.  
  
Kain: Won't o- blood work?  
  
Rahab: Tried it already…..  
  
Kain: Know any place where we can get MEAT?  
  
Rahab: There's a McDonalds over there……  
  
Kain: No, I said REAL meat.  
  
Rahab: Burger King?  
  
Kain: No.  
  
Rahab: (GASP!) You don't mean-!  
  
Kain: Yep……..ARBY'S!  
  
Melchiah: oOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Scary!  
  
(they head out, but…the fan girls have been waiting….and waiting…oh! how they waited!…..at last…….they attack!!)  
  
All vampires: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!  
  
Fangirls: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! (GLOMP!)  
  
Vampires: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(pan to some random guy sitting on a couch)  
  
Guy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(back to the Vampires and fangirls)  
  
Fangirls: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
Kain: WHY GOD, WHYYYYYYYYYYY???????????!!!!  
  
Raziel: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARG!  
  
(they are all seen running)  
  
(thousands of fan girls follow)  
  
Raziel: WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO AND TEAR OFF MY WINGS?!  
  
Kain: YOU ACT LIKE I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN!!!!!!  
  
Zephon: SHUT UP AND RUN YOU IDIOTS, RUN! RUUUUUUUUN!!!!  
  
Rahab: They're gaining on us!!!  
  
Dumah: Dear God, WHY?!  
  
Melchiah: RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!  
  
Fangirl #65475668499476954730468564567586867509348065934.5: (snatches Zephon and huggles) ^_^  
  
Raziel: CRAP! THEY GOT ZEPHON!!!!!!  
  
(Kain gets caught in a net, then is glomped by fan girls)  
  
Kain: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Melchiah: FASTER! MUST RUN-(gets trapped in a bear trap) AHH! MY FEET!!!! FEEEEEEET!!! (fan girls grab)  
  
Raziel: DAMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!  
  
Turel: LOOK OUT!  
  
Melchiah: ????? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! (falls in hole in the ground) POO! THEY GOT ME!!  
  
Raziel: They're pickin' us out! FASTER!!!!!!!!  
  
Turel: AAAAAHHHHHHH- (runs right into a cage)  
  
Raziel: ITS ONLY ME LEFT!  
  
(A/N: Duh!)  
  
Raziel: MUST HAVE MEATS!!!  
  
(fan girls throw meats at Raziel)  
  
Raziel: Stop tempting me, satanic dirt children!  
  
Fan girl #597374592340654936704937659043705347690457609370967340680493750934.605804: BOLOGNA!  
  
(the bologna hits Raziel's back)  
  
Raziel: No! Stop! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Aeriel: (points at Raziel) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Raziel: SHUT UP! THIS ISNT FUNNY!  
  
Aeriel: Yeah…..ACTUALLY IT IS!!!!!  
  
Raziel: -_-;;;;;;;;  
  
Vorador: HAHAHAHAHAAA!!!  
  
Fan girls: VORADOR!!!!!!!!! WE WUV YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Vorador: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!  
  
Raziel: Youll have to run faster than THAT to get away, Vorador!  
  
Vorador: It's hard! I'm WEARING THAT FUNKY SKIRT I WORE IN BLOOD OMEN!!!!!  
  
Raziel: WHHHHHHHHHHYYYY!!!!!!!  
  
30 mins. Later……..  
  
(All vampires are sitting in a dank cell, fan girls watching from every side)  
  
Kain: Rock, paper, scissors anyone?  
  
All but him: SHUT UP!  
  
(Vorador tosses a pineapple at him)  
  
Kain: Pineapple? HEY! They didn't get Janos!  
  
Raziel: That bastard….I'll get him…..  
  
Turel: How?  
  
Raziel:……………Shut up……….. 


	14. BLOODTHUMPER

BLOODTHUMPER- A PARODY OF TUBTHUMPER BY CHUMBAUMBA!!  
  
  
  
(Raziel stands up in front of everyone, including his brethren and Kain)  
  
Raziel: I GET MUTATED, BUT I GET UP AGAIN  
  
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA KEEP ME NORMAL!  
  
I GET MUTATED, BUT I GET UP AGAIN  
  
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA KEEP ME NORMAL!  
  
I GET MUTATED, BUT I GET UP AGAIN  
  
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA KEEP ME NORMAL!  
  
I GET MUTATED, BUT I GET UP AGAIN  
  
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA KEEP ME NORMAL!  
  
  
  
(Aeriel floats up and steals Raziel's microphone) (Raziel pouts (sniffle)  
  
Aeriel: Eating the souls away……..  
  
Eating the souls away…………  
  
(Kain shoves Aeriel away, Aeriel gives Kain a hit, Kain gets the mic again shoves Aeriel away)  
  
Kain: He eats a human soul,  
  
He eats a demon soul,  
  
He gets mutated after the good times,  
  
He gets mutated after the better times!!!!  
  
(Raziel jumps and steals the mic)  
  
Raziel: I GET MUTATED, BUT I GET UP AGAIN  
  
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA KEEP ME NORMAL!  
  
I GET MUTATED, BUT I GET UP AGAIN  
  
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA KEEP ME NORMAL!  
  
I GET MUTATED, BUT I GET UP AGAIN  
  
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA KEEP ME NORMAL!  
  
I GET MUTATED, BUT I GET UP AGAIN  
  
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA KEEP ME NORMAL!  
  
  
  
(Aeriel gets mic, Raziel does NOT look happy at this point…..meanwhile….his brethren are just staring at him with dumb grins)  
  
Zephon: This is stupid…why does Elexis do this to us?  
  
Turel: THIS IS GREAT! (dances)  
  
Dumah: Shut up! (shoves Turel)  
  
  
  
Aeriel: Oh, Dumah boy…………..Dumah booooooooooooooooooy  
  
Kain: He eats a human soul,  
  
He eats a demon soul,  
  
He gets mutated after the good times,  
  
He gets mutated after the better times!  
  
Aeriel: Don't cry for me……next door vampire…….  
  
Raziel: I GET MUTATED, BUT I GET UP AGAIN  
  
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA KEEP ME NORMAL!  
  
I GET MUTATED, BUT I GET UP AGAIN  
  
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA KEEP ME NORMAL!  
  
I GET MUTATED, BUT I GET UP AGAIN  
  
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA KEEP ME NORMAL!  
  
I GET MUTATED, BUT I GET UP AGAIN  
  
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA KEEP ME NORMAL!  
  
(running out of breath)  
  
I GET………. MUTATED, BUT I GET UP AGAIN  
  
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA KEEP…….. ME NORMAL!  
  
I GET MUTATED, BUT I GET UP AGAIN  
  
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA KEEP ME NORMAL!  
  
I GET MUTATED, BUT I GET UP AGAIN  
  
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA KEEP ME NORMAL!  
  
I GET MUTATED, BUT I GET UP AGAIN  
  
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA KEEP ME NORMAL!  
  
(Raziel falls on the ground from loss of breath)  
  
(Kain pokes him)  
  
Kain: Uh…this song is discontinued……….  
  
Turel: Poo………  
  
  
  
HHAHAHAAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHEEEEEEEE!!! REVIEW!!! ILL GET MORE STUFF UP ASAP!!!!!!!!!! PROMISE!!!!!!!! 


	15. RAZIEL'S CULINARY POWER!!!!!

GARG! SORRY FOR THE WAIT! OH YEAH! ITS FAN THANKY TIME! THANKS ALL YOU GREAT PEOPLE FOR ALL THE LOVELY REVIEWS!!!!!! THANK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!  
  
RAZIEL'S CULINARY POWER! SPECIAL APPEARANCE BY……………..ME! yay? WE BEGIN AT RAZIEL STANDING AT THE COUNTER IN THE FOOD COURT OF THE SANCTUARY OF THE CLANS! LETS WATCH!  
  
  
  
  
  
(Kain and Raziel's brethren are sitting at a table, Raziel is in the kitchen)  
  
  
  
Melchiah: HURRY UP, I'M STARVIN' OVER HERE!  
  
Dumah: Yeah!  
  
Raziel: SHUT UP AND WAIT! DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE MY CULINARY POWER! (chopping sounds are heard) HAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Zephon: Raziel seems to be off edge lately.  
  
Kain: You just NOW noticed he's not right in the head?  
  
Turel: BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORGH! DO NOT PANIC OVER ZEE LEADERHOSEN! GOOBERS OR RAISINETES?!  
  
Kain: It's ok, Turel. Eat your blood pancakes.  
  
(Turel shoves his head on a plate)  
  
Kain: You doin' alright in there, Raziel?  
  
(crashing noises)  
  
Raziel: YES! (CRASH!) EVERYTHING'S……(CRASH!) FINE! (CRASH!)  
  
Dumah: Wish he'd hurry up………  
  
Rahab: Are you so sure? He's never cooked before……..  
  
Dumah: You're right! I think I can wait…….  
  
(I suddenly go running threw for no real reason)  
  
Kain: (blinks) Anyway, just be patient, remember your first time---  
  
(BANG! CRASH! SPLAT!)  
  
Kain: (sigh)  
  
(Raziel appears from the kitchen, half charred, he is holding a big platter with all kinds of blood type yummies on it)  
  
Raziel: BEHOLD!  
  
(sets it on the table, blood cakes, drinks, and different raw meats lay there…..Not too appetizing)  
  
Rahab: Uh……………….  
  
Dumah: Hm..  
  
Turel: GIMME! (grabs a blood cake an shoves it in his mouth……….then spits it out) GARG! AB BLOOD! WHERE IS DA O?  
  
Raziel: Its in the corner over here…….  
  
Turel: OK! (grabs it all)  
  
(Kain takes a bite)  
  
Kain: MMM! HEY! Not too shabby!  
  
Raziel: ^________________________^  
  
Dumah: (takes bite) AHHHHH! THIS IS SHABBY IF I'VE EVER HAD SHABBY!  
  
Melchiah: Who are YOU to judge what is shabby and not too shabby?! (punches Dumah)  
  
Zephon: (munches) This is……not shabby….but not not TOO shabby! (???????)  
  
Rahab: What the hell are you talking about, Zephon?  
  
Raziel: Do we ever know what he's talking about?  
  
Kain: Yes.  
  
Raziel: Oh.  
  
Zephon: I mean it's tasty enough to be NOT too shabby……but it is also kinda shabby as well.  
  
Raziel: (blinks) Ok.  
  
Kain: Pass the AB+ please.  
  
Rahab: NO! Its MINE! MIIIIIIIINE!  
  
Kain: MINE!!!  
  
Rahab: MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kain: GIMME!  
  
Rahab: (sniffle and hands it to Kain)  
  
Kain: HAHAHAHA!  
  
Raziel: Sooooooooooooooo………..How is it?  
  
(mixed responses)  
  
Raziel: WHAT?  
  
Kain: MMFMF, mfmf! (some food hits Dumah)  
  
Dumah: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMFFFMFMF! (spits food back!)  
  
Raziel: You don't like it?  
  
Turel: I DO!!!! SPUNT!  
  
Raziel: ?  
  
Melchiah: Mhmmfmfmf! Ith gooth!  
  
Raziel: Swallow the food!  
  
(everyone swallows)  
  
Kain: DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELICIOUS!  
  
Raziel: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!  
  
DEE END!!!!!!! REVIEW!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	16. PIGGIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM SOO SORRY FOR THE LACK OF ADDITIONS!!!!!!! REALLY, I AM! ANYONE IN HIGH SCHOOL MIGHT UNDERSTAND. BUT I'M ON BREAK! WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!  
  
P.S- THANKS TO DA PEOPLE WHO GAVE ME GOOD REVIEWS!!!!  
  
  
  
PIGGIES!! WHEEEEE!!! DOES THIS REALLY NEED AN EXPLANATION?!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Kain: (quietly sitting on his throne) (blink)  
  
(suddenly, a piggy falls from the sky and hits him on the head)  
  
Kain: (blinks, then looks at the piggy) No……NO!  
  
(then……A SUDDEN DOWN POUR OF PIGGIES FALL ON EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING IN THE SANCTUARY!!!!!)  
  
(a door opens in the hall…….a lump in the piggies is seen approaching Kain)  
  
Kain: ????  
  
(Raziel pops up from the pile of piggies)  
  
Raziel: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?  
  
Kain: You suppose *I* know somehow?  
  
(Dumah stomps in)  
  
Dumah: Did I miss something?  
  
Raziel: You miss a lot of things.  
  
Dumah: I know……I was just wondering if I missed another thing.  
  
Raziel: You did.  
  
Dumah: Ok.  
  
(Meanwhile…..Turel is seen doing the backstroke in the sea of piggies…….he spits out a few)  
  
Kain: Idiot…..  
  
(S. Raziel comes in, ready to fight, then sees the piggies)  
  
S. Raziel: (puts hand on forehead) I don't want to know…..  
  
Raziel: Wise decision.  
  
S Raziel: Why is it that every time I come here something is……………out of the ordinary?  
  
Raziel: Don't ask me.  
  
Kain: (shrugs shoulders)  
  
Dumah: What?  
  
Turel: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!  
  
Zephon: (appears and stares at the piggies) What the-?  
  
(Rahab and Melchiah appear)  
  
Rahab: AGAIN?!  
  
Melchiah: SIGH. I hate it when this happens.  
  
S. Raziel: This happened before? Who did it?  
  
Melchiah: Oh, you cant tell me you don't know who did this.  
  
S Raziel: Who? E-  
  
Kain: SHUT UP! NEVER SAY THE 'E' WORD!  
  
S. Raziel: OH! You mean Ele-!  
  
Rahab: (dives at S. Raziel, covering his mouth) SHUT THE HELL UP!  
  
Raziel: Do you not know the consequences of saying the 'E' word?!  
  
S. Raziel: That's insane! Elexis is—!  
  
(more piggys fall from the sky, followed by pineapples!)  
  
Melchiah: Damn you! Look what you did! (strangles S. Raziel ala Homer Simpson)  
  
(I swing in and kick Mechiah on the head)  
  
Melchiah: Ow……..  
  
(Kain runs)  
  
(I through a disturbingly large parakeet at Kain, it hits him)  
  
Kain: NO! I'M DOWN! I'M DOWN!  
  
Raziel: Sh*t.  
  
(Vorador comes in and pauses….glances at the piggies, then me)  
  
Vorador: Oh, GOD no. Cant you just ONCE write a normal fic?  
  
Me: You never learn anything from hanging around normal writers!  
  
Vorador: I haven't learned anything from YOU! In fact, I think my I.Q. has just lowered about 100 points by just standing here.  
  
Me: Oh, shut up.  
  
Vorador: No.  
  
Me: Yes.  
  
Vorador: No.  
  
Me: Do it!  
  
Vorador: NO!  
  
Me: YEAH!  
  
Vorador: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
Me:……..  
  
(I duck tape Vorador's mouth shut)  
  
Vorador: HMPHH!!!!!!  
  
(I then hit him in the head with a piggy)  
  
(Vorador tears the tape of his mouth)  
  
RIIIIIIIIIIP!  
  
Vorador: OOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!! (runs around)  
  
Kain: So much for his dreaded five o'clock shadow. (snicker)  
  
Me: Heheh. HEY! I could make millions with this. DUCT TAPE HAIR REMOVER!  
  
Kain: Hmmmmmmmm…….  
  
Melchaih: Ok. You guys can babble all you want…..but I'M getting these damned piggies outta here!  
  
  
  
  
  
THE END! OKAY! I'LL TRY TO WRITE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	17. EVIL SPELL CHECK DOOM!

SPELL CHECK!  
  
  
  
WARNING: Some spoilers for Blood Omen 2! (Minor.)  
  
HAHAHA! I HAVE ACTIVATED THE SPELL CHECK! LETS SEE HOW THIS TURNS OUT! (Some words have also been altered. The word 'fic' for instance.)  
  
  
  
Cane sat at his throne, and Raze approached.  
  
Raze: Something is bad here, VERY BAD!  
  
Cane: What?  
  
Raze: Look at the fi! The names!  
  
Cane: CRAP! Where's Machine?  
  
Raze: Machine?  
  
Machine: What the hell? Isn't my name Melchiah?  
  
Me: Not any more! It's Machine because of the spell check.  
  
Machine: I hate you, Elects.  
  
Rap: What? It's RAHAB! Rap?  
  
Zipper: Uhhhhhhh…….  
  
Turnpike: Even I'm acting sane! TURN THE SPELL CHECK OFF! It's Turel!  
  
Aerie: Who did that to my name! GRRRRR!  
  
Jason: It's Janos……  
  
Me: No it isn't. OH CRAP! Jason is the name of my brother! Let me get a different check!  
  
Janise: JANISE?! What's WRONG with you?!  
  
Me: HEY! This is just the way the computer thinks it should be. Here comes Vorador! HEY! No spelling suggestions! Great!  
  
Vorador: What's going on here?  
  
Me: I've activated spell check. Now everyone's names are screwed up! Mine, too…..  
  
Janise: I hate you, Elects.  
  
Me: I know. ^_^  
  
Utah: HEY! I'm not Utah! It's UMAH!  
  
Me: Too late, the spell check got it! (evil grin)  
  
Silicon Lord: I hate silica. I am the Sarafan Lord!  
  
Me: No one cares.  
  
S. Lord: Ok.  
  
Zipper: What's it gonna take for you to turn it back on?  
  
Me: Just the end of the fi!  
  
Zipper: Fi?  
  
Me: The fic.  
  
Zipper: Ok.  
  
Machine: I hate my life.  
  
Raze: We all hate your life.  
  
Machine: At least we agree on something.  
  
Silicon Raze: HEY! What happened to my name?! Its all………..not right!  
  
Rap: Hey! It's Fasts!  
  
Raze: Who?  
  
Cane: Faustus, I believe.  
  
Fasts: What the hell?  
  
Me: That's what they all say.  
  
Cane: (rolls eyes) Is this over yet?  
  
Me: YEP! 'Tis over!  
  
Everyone but me: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
HAHA! REVIEW! 


	18. Meats 2

HAHAHAHA! TOLD YOU ID BE BACK! Or didn't I tell you? Did I? Ummmmmm…….*thinks and head explodes*  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
MEATS 2  
  
*open to a stage with curtains at side, typical talk show setting, but with no audience*  
  
Three people tied in chairs: HEY! LET US GO! PLEEEEEEEASE! I WANNA GO HOME!  
  
Announcer: SHUT UP! Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd welcome to Meats 2!  
  
*I don't come out from the curtain*  
  
Announcer: Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd welcome to Meats 2!  
  
(still nothing)  
  
Announcer: Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd welcome to…..of forget it! Where the hell are you, Elexis?  
  
(I suddenly drop from the ceiling)  
  
WHAP!  
  
(I hit the floor)  
  
Me: I'M ok!  
  
Announcer: Damn!  
  
Me: (stands up and blinks) Heheh…I JUST FLEW IN FROM………someplace!!!! And my arms are tired!!  
  
(crickets chirp)  
  
Me: I told you that piece was old, Bob!  
  
Bob: (off stage holding cue card, slumps down and walks away)  
  
Me: Anyway, it turns out the LoK cast loved being here so much last time, that they wanted to pay another visit!  
  
(pan to the entire LoK casts tied up to steel walls backstage)  
  
BO2 Kain: WHY?!  
  
S. Raziel: That's the 57940753904750934759034th time you asked! Shut up! I don't know!  
  
Janos: Where has my pineapple gone?! (squeek)  
  
Raziel: That little running gag is getting SO old.  
  
BO Kain: Agreed.  
  
(pan back to me)  
  
Me: Now let's bring 'em out!  
  
(guards drag them in, they are all kicking and screaming)  
  
Vorador: I WANT MY MOMMY!  
  
Janos: THE PINEAPPLE! THE PINEAPPLE!!!!!!!!!  
  
Aeriel: WHINERS!  
  
Zephon: No one asked for your opinion, Aeriel.  
  
Aeriel: Can it, Zephon.  
  
(the guards plop them down next to me)  
  
PLOP!  
  
Me: Sooooooooo…..Kain……How's your spleen?  
  
Kain: Which Kain?  
  
Me: You.  
  
BO2 Kain: Me?  
  
Me: No, the other one.  
  
BO Kain: Me?  
  
Me: NO! The future one! The green one!  
  
Janos: Me?  
  
Me: NO!  
  
Kain: Me?  
  
Me: YES!  
  
Kain: What was the question?  
  
Me: (sigh)  
  
Kain: Is that a question?  
  
Me: SHUT UP!  
  
Kain: (cringe)  
  
Melchiah: Hey guys….um….problem.  
  
Dumah: What?  
  
Melchiah: There's a moose on my head.  
  
Rahab: AGAIN?!  
  
Melchiah: Yes…….AGAIN.  
  
Me: I LIKE MOOSE! (runs over to Melchiah and tears it off him bald, shiny head)  
  
Melchiah: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!  
  
Aeriel: WHINER!  
  
(the moose runs away)  
  
Me: Poo…hmmmmm…..well, I'm out of things to say.  
  
S. Raziel: Finally.  
  
Me: (glares)  
  
(nothing happens for a few moments)  
  
(a piggy flies across the room)  
  
Kain: Ok……  
  
Raziel: I like squirrels…..  
  
BO2: Shut up, Raziel. No one gives a crap.  
  
Raziel: (sniff) I know…….  
  
Me: WAIT! This is a breakthrough! We actually learned something on this show!  
  
Turel: Show?  
  
Mobious: Learn?  
  
Me: Yeah…..Now we know Raziel likes squirrels!  
  
  
  
  
  
DEE END! 


	19. SPLEEN

Hhehehe..I'M NOT DONE WITH THIS LINE YET!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! ISHALL NEVER DIE!!! Also, I will be going on a trip to australia for three weeks. I will leave in 3 days. So I leave with this until I get back, the next one WILL be a song parody!!!!!!!  
  
SPLEEN  
  
(Raziel is pushed onto the stage by me, he stands quiet for a moment)  
  
Raziel: (ahem) Ladies and gentlemen, you're psychopathic-(is poked with a cattle prod from off stage) OWWW!!!! Is forcin-(poked again) I mean…I will entertain you willingly for the evening.  
  
Umm….what shall I do? I know! You want to see me as PANTS, don't you?  
  
(zooms across the stage wearing GIANT pants that covering his whole body)  
  
WITNESS ME IN PANTS FORM!!! (attempts to leave, but is hit with a beaver on the head)  
  
WELL! You better get ready! 'Cause here comes 'da super-(toast hits him on the head) AAAARG! WHY MUST I ENDURE THIS?!  
  
(I toss Kain in)  
  
Kain: You are SO dead, Raziel. I AM FULL OF HATE!  
  
Raziel: Well….NOW what?  
  
Me: (off stage) DANCE!  
  
Raziel: WHAT?  
  
Kain: NEVER!  
  
Me: DANCE! DANCE I TELL YOU! DANCE!  
  
(Raziel growls, then does a nasty spite jig)  
  
(Kain…….sits on the floor and pouts)  
  
Kain: You just HAD to drag me in this, didn't you?  
  
Raziel: (still doing jig) Yes.  
  
*pan to me off stage*  
  
Me: So I think: "yeah! It'll be fun! Gotta make sure the people are happy! It'll be a quicky, but good!" NOW LOOK AT ME! (drinks another gallon of coffee) I have turned into a coffely monster thing!!  
  
(pan back to Raziel and Kain, who sit eating corn)  
  
Raziel: Corrrrrrrrrrrrrrn……..  
  
Kain: Yeah……corrrrrrrrrrrrrrrn…….  
  
(pan back to me, sitting under spotlight)  
  
Me: Don't look at me like that. Hmm…this fic needs spices.  
  
Kain and Raziel: GOOD GOD! SPICES! (they run)  
  
Me: OH NO YA DON'T! (throws rubber pigs at them)  
  
Kain: NOW THE PIGS!! STOP! MAKE IT STOP!!  
  
Raziel: WHY DOES GOD HATE US SO MUCH?  
  
(they both trip and fall)  
  
Me: Now! Your gonna make the people HAPPY until they soil their beloved PANTS!  
  
(They trudge over to center stage)  
  
(I send a monkey after them)  
  
Raziel: HEY! A monkey! I like monkeys!  
  
Kain: Since WHEN?  
  
Raziel: I LIKE MONKEYS!  
  
Kain: Since….  
  
Raziel: I LIKE MONKEYS!  
  
Kain: Since…  
  
Raziel: MONKEYS!!  
  
(pan back to me shaking my head, and then I make toast and hand it out to the watching crowd)  
  
(back to Raziel and Kain)  
  
Kain: Stop with the damn monkeys! (punches Raziel)  
  
(Raziel stops and blinks)  
  
Raziel: I…..I'm normal again….I'm A REAL BOY!  
  
(Kain punches him again)  
  
Raziel: I love you……You love me…  
  
(Kain kicks him in the butt)  
  
Raziel: And THAT'S what happened today….now to making meat with-!  
  
(Kain hits him)  
  
Raziel: (blink blink) Ok….I think I'm better n-  
  
(Kain hits him again)  
  
Me: KNOCK IT OFF, KAIN!………the reception is bad here!  
  
Kain: Sorry….are we done, yet?  
  
Me: Yes….for NOW! (maniacal laughter echoes)  
  
  
  
  
  
I'M ALIVE! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! I REFUSE TO DIE!! 


	20. THE FINAL CHAPTER! OR IS IT? IT IS!........

Yes, it is true. Lack of reviews are for recent stories are causing this fic to end. sniff It was fun while it lasted.And so, as your crazy author, I leave with this last song fic!!! Actually.it IS kinda sad.  
  
A parody of Twisted Sister's "We're Not Gonna Take It"..the song belongs to Twisted Sister..NOT ME! I ONLY MADE THIS PARODY!!  
  
(Raziel appears on a huge stage and takes up a guitar, Kain joins and takes another, Ariel takes the drums, Raziel's bros take whatever is left. The stage is not lighted..yet. A loud CLANG! Is heard.)  
  
Kain: Dammit, Raziel! Why did you have to bring piggies on stage?! HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUUUUUUUUUUUUUH?!  
  
Raziel: SHHH!!! (grabs mic., as does Kain. The stage lights up, showing a stage made entirely made of piggies, weasels, and toast, the lights are bright, and a backdrop of potatoes appear, AND! THE STAGE IS SURROUNDED BY EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED MY FIC! ^_^)  
  
WhiteTigerEye: Ooooh! Impressive!  
  
Edward: I have a monkey...(dances)  
  
Kelly: (munches on toast)  
  
Sadistic Scorpion: (Tosses pants on stage) AW YEAH!  
  
Syvia: This should be interesting..  
  
Ka: That's an....interesting stage...  
  
Venris: (laugh!)  
  
Demon Hunter Anamae: OHHHH! More craziness!! (GASP!) THE ZEPHON! HE IS MINE! MINE! MIIIIINE!  
  
Ghostfire: I WANT THE CHICKENS ON STAGE! (tosses chicken, it hits Ariel)  
  
Ariel: Heh...chicken.  
  
Shady: Go Raziel!  
  
Ali: HEY! Where's Elexis?!  
  
Wolfwoman: Do I REALLY have to be here? Oh well! (dance dance)  
  
Rya and Thelanois: those potaotes should explode soon enough...MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
Shadow Angel: TOGA! TOGA! 2002!  
  
Rain: (is making toast)  
  
Dragon of Light: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEHOOOO!!  
  
Ryoken: The piggies...they call to me..@_@  
  
Dragonclaw: MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!....pants  
  
Veramon: I think...YES! I HAVE MY PANTS! (huggles pants)  
  
Stitch: The story! It closes! (sniff)  
  
A/N: I'M SORRY IF YOU REVIEWED AND I DIDN'T GET TO YOUR NAME! I'LL MAKE IT UP WITH....MEATS OF EVIL!  
  
(I swing in)  
  
Me: LETS GET THIS STARTED ALREADY! (grabs another guitar and starts playing)  
  
  
  
The whole LoK gang: OH WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE PANTS  
  
NO, WE AIN'T GONNA TAKE THEM OH  
  
WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE THEM... ANYMORE  
  
Me: WE'VE GOT THE RIGHT TO MAKE TOAST AND  
  
THERE AIN'T NO WAY WE'LL BURN IT  
  
THIS IS MY FIC, THIS IS MY PIGGIE  
  
I'LL FIGHT THE MEATS THAT BE JUST  
  
DON'T PICK MY PINEAPPLES 'CAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW US, YOU DON'T KNOW INSANITY!  
  
Everyone: OH WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT  
  
NO, WE AIN'T GONNA TAKE IT  
  
OH WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE  
  
Raziel: OH YOU'RE SO PICKLY  
  
YOUR CRAZINESS IS NEVER ENDING  
  
WE DON'T WANT NOTHIN', NOT A GOAT FROM YOU  
  
YOUR LIFE IS MADNESS AND ODD, NUTTY AND FREE SPIRITED  
  
IF THAT'S YOUR TOAST, YOUR TOAST WON'T BURN OH..................... OH.....................  
  
WE'RE ODD  
  
Everyone: YEAH  
  
Me: WE'RE FREE  
  
Everyone: YEAH  
  
Me: I'LL FIGHT  
  
Everyone: YEAH  
  
Me: YOU'LL SEE  
  
Everyone: YEAH!  
  
OH WE'RE NOT GONNA FORGET THE FIC  
  
NO, WE AIN'T GONNA FORGET IT  
  
OH WE'RE NOT GONNA FORGET IT ANYMORE  
  
OH WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT  
  
NO, WE AIN'T GONNA FORGET IT OH WE'RE NOT GONNA FORGET IT ANYMORE  
  
NO WAY!  
  
OH..................... OH.....................  
  
Me: I'M NUTS  
  
Everyone: YEAH  
  
Me: I'M INSANE  
  
Everyone: YEAH  
  
Me: I THROW BEAVERS  
  
Everyone: YEAH  
  
Me: YOU'LL SEE  
  
Kain: YEAH WE'RE NOT GONNA FORGET IT NO,  
  
WE AIN'T GONNA FORGET IT  
  
WE'RE NOT FORGET IT ANYMORE WE'RE NOT GONNA FORGET IT, NO!  
  
NO, WE AIN'T GONNA FORGET IT!  
  
Everyone (including my lovely reviewers): WE'RE NOT GONNA FORGET IT ANYMORE  
  
JUST YOU EAT POTATOES AND MAKE US WE'RE NOT GONNA FORGET IT  
  
Me: COME ON!!!  
  
Everyone: NO, WE AIN'T GONNA FORGET IT  
  
WE'RE ALL PANTSLESS AND NUGAT-FILLED  
  
WE'RE NOT GONNA FORGET IT ANYMORE  
  
Me: NOW JUMP AND GIVE ME PIGGIES  
  
Everyone: WE'RE NOT GONNA FORGET IT  
  
OH COUCH PIG  
  
NO, WE AIN'T GONNA FORGET IT  
  
OH YOU AND YOUR MEATS OF EVIL  
  
WE'RE NOT GONNA FORGET THIS FIC! (Sparks fly from behind the stage, setting my hair on fire) Me: (sniff) Is something burning? Zephon: Yeah...your hair. Me: Oh, ok.  
  
BYE PEOPLE!!!! (waves)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Unless...  
  
  
  
  
  
Reviews....REVIEWS........REVIEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
...reviews. 


	21. ............................

Look! Scroll...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Be prepared......  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Get readyyyyyyy..........  
  
  
  
  
  
For pineapples....  
  
  
  
More moosey fun....  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Its on its way.....  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
More pants......  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
BOOK 2 OF 'SUCKS TO BE YOU' IS IN THE MAKING!!! 


End file.
